An arms baby - naptime no no's

It's been a while since I last wrote as Nico not only needs 100% of my attention during his waking hours, but up until this week has needed pretty much 100% of my attention during his sleeping hours too. 

Naptime has been a struggle with no naps at all unless they are on top of someone. 

No naps at all = an overtired baby = even more crying.

It seems as if we are not alone in this; over 65% of infants fall asleep in arms and most of these will wake as soon as their head hits the cot mattress.  The upside of this, other than the very precious time I get to spend with my baby who won't be a baby for long, is that I've been getting plenty of rest too.  The downside is that the washing basket is always overflowing, the fridge is empty, mealtimes are simple (if they happen at all), my admin pile is sky high and showers aren't quite as regular as they should be.

If I hear the advice from his local grandparents one more time (likely, as it's become almost a daily mantra) "let him cry, it won't do him any harm", my English politeness might just abandon me.  Nico cries enough, sometimes for four or five hours a day, so letting him cry even more and by himself to go to sleep feels at best harsh and at worst neglect.

Having abandoned any semblance of controlled crying just two days after starting - it just felt wrong and barbaric and quite unnecessary, not to mention emotionally heart wrenching for us and tough on the baby - it seemed that arms were the only option. We'd tried swaddling, that didn't work.  We'd tried putting him to bed and resting our hands on his chest, that didn't work.  We'd tried a dummy (several in fact of all different shapes and sizes), he spat it out.  But it appears at last that we have an emerging solution.  I can't take any credit for this but rather owe the techniques and advice to Elizabeth Pantley, the author of "The no-cry nap solution".  It's a book full of common sense, something that may well desert sleep-deprived new mothers, and reassurance that having your baby nap of top of you every now and then is pure bliss for both parties and should be encouraged for the occasional nap. 

So what are we doing differently?  Her most important piece of advice is to watch your baby for signs of tiredness.  Clearly a yawn, if it's not a waking and stretching yawn, is a sign.  As is eye-rubbing.  But so is crying.  Nico cries a lot and despite his colic it is very likely that some of his crying has been to tell us that he's tired, only we just didn't realise.  We always put it down to his tendency to trapped wind.

If we're at home, every nap has a routine.  A gentle walk around the quietened flat having a cuddle.  We warm his cot with a hot water bottle to make it as inviting as possible.  We've made his cot more nest-like with blankets tightly wrapped up like sausages.  We go to his room and close the door.  I hold him close and tuck his doudou between us.  Once his eyes start to close the relaxing music starts and I start to hum a tune.  Always the same tune and a very simple once, over and over and over again.  The lights go down and I rock him in my arms.  Every couple of minutes I stop the rocking and cease to hum for a little while.  As I start again I recline him even more until he's almost horizontal in my arms and at that point I glide him into his toasty and cosy cot, place my hands on his chest, hum my tune very softly and wait for a minute or two.  Gradually I leave the room and close the door.

Does it sound elaborate?  Maybe.  Does he cry?  No.  Does it work?  So far so good.  The theory goes that all of the cues in the routine: the dim lights, the doudou, the background music, the simple him will quickly teach Nico that it's time to sleep and over time the length of the routine will become less and less and in a little time he will be able to use the cues to put himself to sleep.

Clearly life dictates that being at home for naptime is not always possible, so every now and then a nap in the sling is fine or even the heavenly naps on someone.