An arms baby - naptime no no's

It's been a while since I last wrote as Nico not only needs 100% of my attention during his waking hours, but up until this week has needed pretty much 100% of my attention during his sleeping hours too. 

Naptime has been a struggle with no naps at all unless they are on top of someone. 

No naps at all = an overtired baby = even more crying.

It seems as if we are not alone in this; over 65% of infants fall asleep in arms and most of these will wake as soon as their head hits the cot mattress.  The upside of this, other than the very precious time I get to spend with my baby who won't be a baby for long, is that I've been getting plenty of rest too.  The downside is that the washing basket is always overflowing, the fridge is empty, mealtimes are simple (if they happen at all), my admin pile is sky high and showers aren't quite as regular as they should be.

If I hear the advice from his local grandparents one more time (likely, as it's become almost a daily mantra) "let him cry, it won't do him any harm", my English politeness might just abandon me.  Nico cries enough, sometimes for four or five hours a day, so letting him cry even more and by himself to go to sleep feels at best harsh and at worst neglect.

Having abandoned any semblance of controlled crying just two days after starting - it just felt wrong and barbaric and quite unnecessary, not to mention emotionally heart wrenching for us and tough on the baby - it seemed that arms were the only option. We'd tried swaddling, that didn't work.  We'd tried putting him to bed and resting our hands on his chest, that didn't work.  We'd tried a dummy (several in fact of all different shapes and sizes), he spat it out.  But it appears at last that we have an emerging solution.  I can't take any credit for this but rather owe the techniques and advice to Elizabeth Pantley, the author of "The no-cry nap solution".  It's a book full of common sense, something that may well desert sleep-deprived new mothers, and reassurance that having your baby nap of top of you every now and then is pure bliss for both parties and should be encouraged for the occasional nap. 

So what are we doing differently?  Her most important piece of advice is to watch your baby for signs of tiredness.  Clearly a yawn, if it's not a waking and stretching yawn, is a sign.  As is eye-rubbing.  But so is crying.  Nico cries a lot and despite his colic it is very likely that some of his crying has been to tell us that he's tired, only we just didn't realise.  We always put it down to his tendency to trapped wind.

If we're at home, every nap has a routine.  A gentle walk around the quietened flat having a cuddle.  We warm his cot with a hot water bottle to make it as inviting as possible.  We've made his cot more nest-like with blankets tightly wrapped up like sausages.  We go to his room and close the door.  I hold him close and tuck his doudou between us.  Once his eyes start to close the relaxing music starts and I start to hum a tune.  Always the same tune and a very simple once, over and over and over again.  The lights go down and I rock him in my arms.  Every couple of minutes I stop the rocking and cease to hum for a little while.  As I start again I recline him even more until he's almost horizontal in my arms and at that point I glide him into his toasty and cosy cot, place my hands on his chest, hum my tune very softly and wait for a minute or two.  Gradually I leave the room and close the door.

Does it sound elaborate?  Maybe.  Does he cry?  No.  Does it work?  So far so good.  The theory goes that all of the cues in the routine: the dim lights, the doudou, the background music, the simple him will quickly teach Nico that it's time to sleep and over time the length of the routine will become less and less and in a little time he will be able to use the cues to put himself to sleep.

Clearly life dictates that being at home for naptime is not always possible, so every now and then a nap in the sling is fine or even the heavenly naps on someone.

Dummies again

Just some snippets from recent weeks from well meaning Spanish ladies:

"you didn't pack a dummy in your hospital bag??" - the head nurse in the maternity department
"that baby needs a dummy!" - a passer-by
"you don't have a dummy...what do you mean you don't have a dummy?" - a shop cashier
"all babies like to suck so give him a dummy" - my m-i-l
"where's his dummy?" - the peadiatric nurse at the local health centre

They come in all shapes and sizes.  Small teats, shaped teats, brightly coloured teats, textured teats, rubber teats, latex teats...more variety than condoms.  The pharmacies are full of them.  Nico does cry a lot and people feel that gives them the right to comment and proffer advice.  But Spanish babies are dummied babies, which means that Spanish toddlers are dummied toddlers with most three year olds running around with a bit of plastic hanging out of their mouths and spoiling their young innocent faces.

Perhaps the dummy is responsible for the ubiquitous Spanish lisp :-)

Sleep training abandoned

After two nights I read that leaving a baby to cry could lead to an emotionally retarded adult and we don't want that.  Besides, at the moment all I want to do is to respond to my baby and that doesn't feel wrong at all.  We didn't leave him to cry for long without any comfort - I think the longest was for ten whole minutes (which felt like an eternity by the way), but having met a sleep psychologist at a Mums and Babies group last week she told me that there is no need to leave him to cry and that what we're doing at the moment is just fine.  

Our colic nightmare continues with 3-4 hours of crying most evenings and until that subsides (only 2 weeks to go if Nico follows the average..hmmm) so I don't want to do anything else that could make him cry more.  It does seem that his evening activities knacker him out and we get a stretch of about 4 hours before he wakes for food and then 3-4 hours more - next step to get him in the cot...

So if all other babies from my NCT class are apparently sleeping through, we'll have to wait a little longer.

All babies love the pram...

...not ours. 

As we walk around the town pushing a pram, more often than not we have Nico in our arms as he's screamed blue murder to get out.  We've made the pram more comfortable, we've tried him in more clothes and also in less.  But so far, the pram doesn't do quite what it should.  In all of the books that I've read and the online advice, it's listed as a sure winner to calm the baby.  For us, it guarantees an enraged baby.

We're currently working on sleep training.  Next stop, pram training.

Nico, in case you read this one day, we love you very, very much and will enjoy embarrassing you with these tales once you're a little older.

Sleep training

So new year, new sleep regime.  Or that was the plan.

3 days in and we're making progress.  We have a routine (stolen from a book): bath, fresh pyjamas, final feed, cuddle and in the cot with his lights and music machine. 

There are a few glitches.  The first is that this doesn't take into account what to do if the baby conks out at 8.30 in his Daddy's arms. Do we wake him to go through the whole process?  Or do we sneak him into his cot with no routine and pray that bedtime has arrived all on its own?  It also doesn't take into account that the vigorous crying that goes with being left in his cot is normally accompanied by a pretty vigorous movement elsewhere...

Never mind.  Last night the little man went down in his cot and 40 minutes later was fast asleep.  Daddy checked on him every 5 minutes to let him know that we hadn't deserted him, and I was banished to the lounge so that the smell of food wouldn't ruin the whole process.  We then had 4 uninterrupted hours of peace and the entire night spent in his cot.  A big thank you to my Mum for suggesting that we raise the mattress - so simple but it also seems to have made a difference.

"They" say it takes three to four nights of crying for the baby to realise that the feeds and cuddles for the day are over and for sleep to come quickly.  Let's hope "they" are right.  It's going to be a long week.